The Couples' Therapy Newsroom
by Aria Breuer
Summary: "Hello and welcome to my new game show." Frodo said, smiling at the camera, while sitting behind his huge desk, which required him sitting on a very tall stool. Hmm… at least the camera was the same as he. Anyway… "You'll have to forgive our new Narrator. He's a little rusty." I am not a droid, Frodo – Sequel to the first Couples' Therapy fanfic.


**Disclaimers:** I do not own _The Lord of the Rings_ trilogy. They belong to J.R.R. Tolkien, Warner Brothers, New Line Cinema, and Turbine. Other canon material comes from their respected owners. I only own the plot, original characters, etc.

*.*.*

Here's the encore we so happily were waiting for. :D

*.*.*

"Hello and welcome to my new game show." Frodo said, smiling at the camera, while sitting behind his huge desk, which required him sitting on a very tall stool. Hmm… at least the camera was the same as he. Anyway… "You'll have to forgive our new Narrator. He's a little rusty." I am not a droid, Frodo – "And in other news, we present a fine addition to our show: the handy dandy dwarves who took Thorin Oakenshield to Mordor – no. It's was Erebor." He looked around in confusion. "Who's in charge of the cue cards, cue boy?"

"Don't blame me!" One of the boys spoke aloud.

"Anyway, let's hear these handy dandy dwarves and their magic act," Frodo said, smiling warmly at the camera.

All attention was put to the television screen, which revealed Thorin and the Company of thirteen dwarves – or twelve dwarves.

"Hey Narrator, get it right this time!" Frodo shook his head. "I thought the dwarves were pulling something new this year."

"I am the best dwarf," Thorin said.

"No, I am the best dwarf," Kili said, defensive.

"No brother, I am the best dwarf." Fili said, moving in front of his brother. "And Kili and I will prove to everyone our dance. Hit it!" He turned to the boom box, which was recorded and played by a capuchin monkey. At once, Fili and Kili started a strange dance with their arms going back and forth, and the two dwarves moving from side to side. Their song was quite original.

" _We are the best dwarves around.  
Nothing can't stop us now  
Because we are the best dwarves in town."_

"Yeah!" Fili and Kili said, bumping chests against each other.

"YEAH!" Kili bellowed. He looked into the camera, telling the group. "Take that, Frodo Boggins*.'

"It's pronounced Baggins," Frodo said, stunned. His attention returned to the camera. "In other news, and you probably don't need to hear this, the Wizard of Oz monkeys have gone a bit nutty. They've stolen the squirrels' favorite nuts. And you know what Scrat would say…"

The television screen showed the prehistoric squirrel Scrat flying in a space ship. His high-pitched scream refused to stop the ship, which his acorn was now settled into. The camera returned to Frodo, who raised a quizzical brow.

"Well, now," Frodo said. "About those nuts…" He was spun around fast by numerous squirrels and flying monkeys. By the time Frodo got the nerve to calm down, one last monkey stole a nut off the table. Miraculously, Scrat showed up and stole the monkey's nut. He screamed and ran off as the monkey chased after him. Frodo shook his head in defiance. "Well, there's one happy nutty squirrel chimpanzee."

"Hotcha not a chimpanzee," the Squijum – half squirrel half monkey – leapt onto Frodo's desk.

"Squijum, what brings you here," Frodo said. "You're not still complaining about not getting another part in one story. Are you?"

"Hotcha leave now!" The Squijum zoomed off from stage right.

Frodo shook himself off. "All these animals. I thought this was a show on Couples' Therapy or dating or…" He was cut off again, this time by two lemurs.

"I am telling you: we did good sending those zoo animals home." The lemur with the crown spoke into a cell phone. "What's that? Ah. The penguins have returned to their usual habits. Okay, buh bye now!" The lemur put his phone away, facing the camera with a big smile. "Hello. I'm King Julien. Who's ready to dance?"

"You're in the next act, Julien," Frodo said, shooing the lemurs away.

"Ha ha ha!" Julien asked. 'Next thing you know, you're being kicked out. Come on, Mort."

Mort, the smaller lemur, spoke to Frodo. "You are a big hobbit."

"And you're a small lemur," Frodo said, smiling.

"Come now, Mort. Let's not occupy the stage," Julien said, grabbing the smaller lemus.

"Buh bye, Mr. Baggins. Bye!" Mort was zoomed out of the stage by King Julien.

"Well, at least we don't have an elephant in the room," Frodo said to the camera. He looked behind him as a mammoth, oliphaunt and an elephant walked from one end of the stage to the next. Frodo smiled at the camera. "Well, that's our show for today, unless anyone else has anything to say."

The capuchin monkey spit at him.

Frodo heaved a sigh, as the capunchin monkey darted to the other end of the stage. The hobbit wiped the spit off his cheek. He stared at the camera again. "And in other news… oh wait. That's it? That was a huge tease…"

The camera beeped out, as the crane camera moved back. A title was revealed across the screen: _The Couples' Therapy Newsroom._ Oh boy. Did that title work…

"I heard that, Narrator!" Frodo belted out, moving away from the desk.

 _Fade out._

Frodo catches Edward and Bella Cullen kissing on stage left. He grunted and walked off, but not before addressing the camera. "Isn't that typical? There's the couple we were hoping for!" He ducked, just as Edward plowed into a wall. Frodo smirked at the camera. "Well, I'm going to miss him. Hahahah!" He walked off this time, leaving Edward to muddle with his own issues with Bella.

The End.

*.*.*

The creatures shown in this story have come from Bruce Coville's book series _The Unicorn Chronicles_ , "The Wizard of Oz", the "Madagascar" movie series and the "Ice Age" movie series. The ending part has a couple now. Thank you Eldhoron for pointing that out to me. :) Thanks for reading. :)

 **Footnotes:**  
*Boggins – A last name that Kili said in "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" film.


End file.
